#909 – Nerdy Cars
I’m not really into cars. I’ve never been fascinated by what went on beneath the hood of my car. I’ve never wanted to rebuild an engine or customize my car. I never really even liked Hot Wheels. In spite of my general lack of interest in cars, though, I’ve always had a thing for Italian sports cars.
Growing up my friends were into muscle cars like Mustangs and Camaros. I always wanted to drive a Ferrari or a Maserati. Which makes this story about a Transformers fan all the more mind blowing.
A Massachusetts man painted his $100,000 Maserati to look like an evil Decepticon police car. The man was arrested for impersonating an officer, even though the shield on his car read “Punish and Enslave” instead of “Protect and Serve.” I can’t imagine painting my Equinox to look like a Decepticon, much less an Italian sports car that costs more than I make in a year.
I do admire the man’s commitment but would never want to emulate it. If I were to follow his example, here are some nerdy cars I would want to turn my car into.
The Party Wagon
I haven’t seen the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I’ve read that it’s pretty much a kids movie, which makes sense when talking about pizza eating, teenage, mutant turtles. I may not know much about current incarnations of the turtles, but I absolutely loved them as a kid. I watched the cartoon, owned the toys and saw the first three movies in the theater. I loved the Party Wagon as a toy and would definitely feel cowabunga driving it around. I don’t know if I could turn my Equinox into the Party Wagon; I may need to get a minivan, which would become the ultimate swagger wagon.
My love for the Ninja Turtles was only matched by my love for G.I. Joe. I had more G.I. Joes than any other toys. My friends and I would spend every weekend and every school holiday setting up elaborate battles between the Joes and Cobra. I was even successful at repairing my fallen action figures whose rubber bands had snapped. Even though I never owned the H.I.S.S. Tank, it was always one of my favorites. For all of their sweet weapons and vehicles, Cobra was never able to take over the world. Perhaps a tank that only provided protection for one person wasn’t the best design and its flaws might have led to some defeats. In spite of its shortcomings I would still transform my car into a H.I.S.S. Tank. I don’t know what else would be cooler and knowing is half the battle.
There have been a lot of versions of the Batmobile. Adam West’s Batmobile will always have a special place in my heart but Tim Burton’s will always be my favorite. The Batmobile from 1989’s Batman is so sleek and stylish. It’s not as functional as Nolan’s Batmobile but it’s definitely more practical than Shumacher’s Batmobile, at least as practical as a car can be with a jet engine for a motor. I don’t think I’ll ever own a $100,000 sports car but if I did, I might be tempted to throw down another $50,000 to turn it into the Batmobile. It’s definitely not as family-friendly as the Party Wagon but it is much more suitable for a midlife crisis.
If I had the money I might do something completely ridiculous to my Italian sports car. Perhaps that is one of the many reasons God hasn’t made me rich. I’d be so torn between turning my car into a Transformer and buying up all of the Magic cards. God is just protecting me from that dilemma.
What is one of your favorite nerdy cars?