#621 – Superman Would Make a Terrible Father

Dadcast

Last week I was invited back to be a guest on The Dadcast. The Dadcast is a podcast that takes an irreverent look at what it means to be a dad and raise kids. My friends, Nick and Shawn, two self-labeled “comedic super dads”, host The Dadcast. The show is a little racy and a little NSFC (Not Safe For Church), so only download it if you’re feeling a little PG-13 today.

They invited me to be on the show to take a look at reasons why Superman would make a terrible father. From the perspective of Superman’s children, why would it be terrible to have Krypton’s last son as a dad? We gave five reasons why Superman would be a terrible father on The Dadcast, three of which you’ll find below. Be sure to download the episode for the full list.

Pressure

Imagine how disappointing it would be if you were Superman’s child and didn’t have any super powers. Superman did sire a child in Superman Returns and, at the end of that movie, the little tyke was flying around his crib. But imagine if Superman was your dad and you couldn’t fly, shoot lasers from your eyes or go faster than a speeding bullet. There would be so much pressure to live up to the family legacy but how could a child even hope to do that without super powers?

“I helped raise millions of dollars to provide clean drinking water for people all over the world but my dad saved the whole world, like numerous times.”

No matter what Superman’s children did, if they didn’t have super powers, they would always pale in comparison to their dad.

Spankings

I don’t have any children yet so I’m not sure how we’re going to discipline our children. I wasn’t spanked often as a child but I remember when I did get a spanking. It was a good deterrent of bad behavior because I didn’t want to get spanked again. I didn’t like getting spanked by my parents so I can’t imagine what a spanking from Superman would feel like. I imagine it would be a lot like the fights in Man of Steel, with people flying through walls and breaking down buildings. Proverbs 13:2 says, “Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.” This proverb uses the imagery of a shepherd with his flock; shepherds used their rods to guide and lead their sheep, not really to beat the crap out of them. I’m not opposed to spanking at this point, but I’d rather help my children live disciplined lives instead of always having to discipline them. However, if I was Superman’s kid, I’d definitely be opposed to spanking.

Career Day

I don’t remember ever having a career day in elementary school or a “bring your father to school” day. I love my dad and am very proud of him. He’s a great father, raised me to love Jesus and all of my friends love him; I would have been more than happy to bring him with me to school. If Superman were your father, though, you’d have to bring Clark Kent to school instead of Superman. Being a reporter at the Daily Planet is cool, but Clark Kent is such a nerd. If Superman were my dad I would beg him to come to school with the cape and tights; I would beg him to help out with science experiments by warming beakers with his heat vision. But, in order to protect his identity and his family, he’d have to come as boring Clark Kent and share about writing articles for a dead medium.

Granted, these only highlight the negatives about having Superman as a father. I imagine that, in the end, all of the pros would outweigh the cons. I’d just feel really bad for anyone who wanted to marry Superman’s daughters: how could anyone live up to a father like that?

Don’t forget to check out The Dadcast for a few more reasons why it would be terrible to have Superman as a dad.

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