#497 – Naughty Christmas Songs

naughty-christmas-songs

At Christmas we celebrate the birth of our savior. Our world was trapped in sin and darkness but Jesus came to set us free. Even though Jesus began the process of redeeming the world and putting everything back together, we still see the effects of sin. Our entire universe is broken and that is evident even in Christmas songs.

A lot of Christmas songs are religious and a lot are kid-friendly classics. However, there are a few naughty Christmas songs that remind us of what Jesus came to save us from.

Baby, It’s Cold Outside

My favorite version of this song is Dean Martin’s. Martin mastered the role of Lothario so it’s not difficult to imagine him doing everything he can to keep his lady friend from going home. As far as Christmas songs go, Baby, It’s Cold Outside might be the naughtiest. Not only does it promote drinking, smoking and carousing, but also I’m pretty sure the dude slips a roofie into his date’s drink. Sure this could be a fun Christmas song, but it could also be the beginning of a Saw-like horror movie or an episode of Law and Order: SVU.

Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!

Let It Snow! has the same naughty subject material of Baby, It’s Cold Outside without the roofies. On the outside Let It Snow! appears to be an excited song about the weather. However, further examination of the lyrics reveals excitement over carnal pleasures and not wintery precipitation. I live in southern California so snow excites me; I see so little of it. However, I get the feeling that the person singing Let It Snow! would be just as happy for a hurricane, monsoon or zombie apocalypse, anything that would force him to keep “goodbyeing” his girlfriend.

I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus

I understand that I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus isn’t naughty if the child’s father is the one dressed up as Santa Clause. However, the song never expressly states that Daddy is dressed as Santa. What if Daddy had to work late or was out finding the perfect gift for Mommy? How do we know Mommy didn’t slip Santa her number while her child was posing for pictures? Maybe Mommy had an adulterous tryst at the top of her Christmas list and Santa was more than willing to oblige. If all of those conditions are met, then I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus may be the naughtiest Christmas song of all time. If, though, the child witnessed an innocent kiss between his Mommy and Daddy, then it’s one of the sweetest Christmas songs of all time. There is nothing wrong with a little married carousing and carnal pleasure.

Thankfully most Christmas songs are sweet or holy. There are a few that reveal the brokenness of this world but even those are more wholesome than any current hits by Ke$ha or One Direction. Whether we’re listening to Dean Martin or Harry Styles, we should base our choices on God’s word and not on some song.

What other naughty Christmas songs can you think of?

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2 Responses to “#497 – Naughty Christmas Songs”

  1. Okay, you’re just *making* some of these songs naughty. I’m a little concerned about how easily you imagined such naughty scenarios for “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus.”

    Agreed on “Cold Outside,” though. Such a singable tune, such a horrible scenario. *sudder* Technically, though, like “Let It Snow,” it’s not a Christmas song. It’s just a Winter song. There’s nothing in there about Christmas.

    But one you missed that is about Christmas (or a certain version thereof) is the Christmas song I hate above all. (And I hate a lot of stupid Christmas songs, so that’s saying something.) The worst Christmas song of the ones we hear in heavy rotation every year is “Santa Baby.”

    UGH.

    Talk about a song about what Jesus came to save us from! (Besides trite lyrics.) The song is just dripping with selfishness, greed and materialism. It is so antithetical to Christmas that is doesn’t deserve to ever be played at Christmastime again. When I read your lead-in, it was the first song I thought of. It’s pure, undiluted greed that makes a spectacle of the selfishness of human beings. It’s a song about being sinful.

    You know what’s interesting, though?

    Supposedly, if we’re naughty, Santa will withold good things from us. No gifts but coal. Well, we are naughty. And, in response, Jesus gave us the greatest gift of all – Himself. He responds to our naughtiness – our sinfulness – in a way that is exactly opposite the manner in which Santa does. He gives us good things, not because we deserve them, but because we need them and he loves us and that is who he is.

    As much as I hate “Santa Baby,” Jesus hears that kind of sinfulness and says, “Come to me, all you who are weary and heavy-laden and I will give you rest.” Wow. I’d kick the “Santa Baby” lady out of my Christmas party. Jesus invites her to the head table.

    Thanks be to God that Santa Claus is a myth and Jesus is real. We deserve those lumps of coal, but God gives us grace through Christ, a gift we could never earn and could never be too naughty to receive. 🙂

    • Great thoughts, Kevin.

      I can’t believe I totally blanked on “Santa Baby”. You’re right, though. Unlike Santa who rewards our naughtiness with coal, Jesus rewards our naughtiness with love and forgiveness.

      Also, I don’t know why I was able to come up with so many scenarios to make “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” naughty. Maybe I’ve got some repressed mall Santa issues.

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