#442 – Guilty Pleasure Bible Stories

I love the movie A Knight’s Tale. I don’t want to love A Knight’s Tale. A Knight’s Tale is ridiculous and I shouldn’t love it as much as I do.

The movie has 14th century jousting fans singing along to Queen.

Lords and ladies dance to David Bowie.

A blacksmith marks her work with the Nike swoosh.

The movie is downright silly but I cannot get enough of it. Which is why I was happy to hear that Ronald D. Moore, the man behind the rebooted Battlestar Galactica, is developing a television series based off A Knight’s Tale. I know the show won’t star Heath Ledger or any of the actors from the movie, but the potential to see that kind of cheesy fun every week on TV is enough to get me excited.

Below are some Bible stories that, like A Knight’s Tale, I shouldn’t like as much as I do.

Elisha is Bald

Thanks to some awesome genes I don’t think I’m going to go bald any time soon. My grandpa is 92 and his hair is thick and full just like mine, only gray. Elisha wasn’t as fortunate, though, and his head looked a lot like Captain Picard’s. In 2 Kings 2 some boys run up to Elisha and shout out at him, “Get out of here, baldy!” Apparently it was a sensitive issue for Elisha because he called down a curse on the boys and a bear mauled 42 of them. I probably shouldn’t like this story as much as I do but I think it’s hilarious. I also think the boys really wasted an opportunity. If they were going to get mauled for making fun of Elisha, they should have gone with a better insult than, “Get out of here, baldy!” I would have at least gone with, “No one’s going to listen to you now that Elijah’s gone” or “Your old boss has a better chariot than you do.”

Samson’s Wife

Samson’s life is full of stories that we shouldn’t really like. Samson is nothing more than an impulsive frat boy who has real issues with delayed gratification. One of my favorites scenes from his life, though, comes after his marriage to a Philistine woman. Samson tells a riddle at his wedding and his Philistine opponents coax the answer to the riddle from Samson’s wife. When the Philistines solve his riddle, Samson angrily replies, “If you had not plowed with my heifer, you would not have solved my riddle.” That statement is not only full of sexual euphemisms, but it’s also very insulting to Samson’s wife. My wife is pretty easy going but I don’t think she’d appreciate being called a cow.

Solomon’s Wives and Concubines

Solomon really is a tragic figure in the Bible. He begins his life with so much promise and potential. God tells Solomon that he can have whatever he wants and Solomon asks for wisdom. God is please with Solomon’s response and not only gives him wisdom but also riches, fame and dominance over his enemies. Solomon makes some poor choices, though, that lead him astray from God. One of those choices involved 700 wives and 300 concubines. I am a firm believer in monogamy and sex within the confines of a monogamous marriage. With that said, Solomon’s 700 wives and 300 concubines fascinate me. How did they work things out? Was there a revolving door on Solomon’s bedroom? Did they work out a 33-month rotation? Thankfully I’ll never have to deal with that kind of headache or figure out what to get 1,000 women for their birthdays.

There are a lot of crazy stories in the Bible that deal with bear attacks, sexual euphemisms and potential orgies. Even though we may want to, those probably aren’t the stories we should focus on. There’s a lot more in the Bible that can edify and build us up.

It’s not bad to have a giggle once in a while, though.

What’s your favorite Bible story that you probably shouldn’t like that much?

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2 Responses to “#442 – Guilty Pleasure Bible Stories”

  1. I like the one where there is a king who is stabbed by Ehud, but as the sword goes in his obese body “swallows” it and it cannot be retrieved, his servants do not go in for a while because they think he is just sitting on the toilet! http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Judges%203:20-25&version=NCV

  2. Stop me if I have ranted on this before, but I actually think the story of Samson is quite edifying. Long story short, it’s a cautionary tale about rejecting one’s God-given identity – or, put another way, God’s claim on your life. I preached my “senior sermon” in seminary on Samson & Deliliah. In the end, sure, Samson delivers the Israelites from the Philistines – but at the cost of his own life, and while praying for nothing more than revenge for his eyes. The good news is, I guess, God can use anyone and anything to achieve God’s purposes. So don’t feel guilty about reading Samson: it’s an important story – and a well-told one, too! 🙂

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