#266 – Sex Talk


For the majority of my life Valentine’s Day was nothing more than a reminder that I didn’t have a significant other to buy flowers and take out to dinner. I didn’t mind that much but it is nice to know I’ll never have to spend another Valentine’s Day alone.

Other than the reminder of my singleness, when I was in high school Valentine’s Day also meant the beginning of our sex series at youth group. All four years while I was in high school, February meant that instead of talking about Jesus and his parables we would talk about sex and its consequences.

Now that I’m a youth pastor I know the importance of talking about sex with our students. We don’t always have our sex series in February but it is coming up.

Talking about sex with students is vitally important. The choices students make when it comes to sex can have a tremendous impact on the rest of their lives. And, it’s my hope, that our students will follow God’s plan and intentions when it comes to sex.

When I was in high school the conversation really boiled down to being told not to have sex until marriage because God says so. I really like rules so being told that sex is for marriage worked for me. I was committed to not having sex until I married. It also wasn’t that difficult to wait because there wasn’t a long line of ladies waiting to make a man out of my Magic-playing self.

Looking at our students today, though, simply telling them not to have sex before they’re married isn’t that effective. It wasn’t that effective with a lot of my friends and I know students today need more than that.

Sex as God intended it is an amazing part of life. It takes a larger vision of sex and marriage to understand that. Even now that I’m married, I still find it important to hold onto that larger vision of sex and marriage. And, for our students, it’s important to communicate that vision clearly.

Sometimes I wish our students were all content to play Magic and watch Star Trek instead of pursuing romantic relationships. I wasn’t content with those things but they were forced upon me and I turned out all right.

The reality is, though, we all need to continually think about God’s design and intention for sex and marriage. Because whatever state of life in which we find ourselves, having a larger, God-centered vision of sex will help us better live the lives to which we’re called.

What helps you maintain a larger, God-centered vision of sex and marriage?


11 comments on “#266 – Sex Talk”

  1. What most keeps me focused on a larger vision of sex and marriage is my two year-old son. Knowing sex is powerful because you understand the concept abstractly is one thing; knowing it because you’re looking into the eyes of a person who you know at a glance could only be who he is because you are a part of him makes the power of sex inescapable and so much more amazing.

    I wrote a piece on the topic of virginity and Christian culture some time back. In case you’re interested: http://kevincneece.com/2010/11/03/a-crisis-of-virginity/

    I hope all goes well with your sex series. I’m glad you’re doing it. It’s important stuff.

  2. Having a “cold-blooded” temperment that allows me to know that in the end I can go without however exasperating it is. I would like to marry but I really don’t know how to find anyone. In the meantime, like Arrakis, God made celibacy to train the Faithful. If Fremen can stand it, I suppose I can too!

    1. Thanks for your response. I always prayed God hadn’t blessed me with the gift of celibacy even though I know he gives it to very strong and Spirit-filled people.

  3. No I’m not particularly strong or Spirit-filled. It’s just that was the cross I have to carry and I can carry it better then most.

    You know, when I watched Soul Surfer, one thing I thought was that I would sure as heck give up my left arm for the happiness she had. Then I thought that saying that is no big deal; it’s easier to be a nerd with one arm then a surfer with one arm. Now being a nerd with Alzheimer’s is a different story.

    As for why I can bear celibacy, it is because desire simply doesn’t press on me the way it seems to do so to some people. It goes in seasonal patterns for me so I can’t say that totally. But I have friends, I have books, I have an imagination, and I can endure. I am also so socially awkward that I couldn’t manipulate a girl for the life of me and I have no intention of gaining talents in that area, so I am protected by inability. It’s not that I am more Spirit-filled then others. Much of it is that I am protected by my psychology.

    1. “You know, when I watched Soul Surfer, one thing I thought was that I would sure as heck give up my left arm for the happiness she had. Then I thought that saying that is no big deal; it’s easier to be a nerd with one arm then a surfer with one arm. Now being a nerd with Alzheimer’s is a different story.”

      Sorry about the confusion. The analogy is to point out that different people have a harder time with different crosses. I can bear celibacy, just as I could bear physical handicaps because I don’t live through my body, I live through my mind(that’s not the best phrasing, as it implies one is better then the other). In any case I don’t like celibacy anymore then I would like physical handicaps. But I can bear it.

  4. Man. Er, men?
    I’ve never known a gift that was more feared than the gift of celibacy! It makes me sad to see my friends really struggling with their singleness. :/
    I talked to a girl yesterday who was reading Dr. Henry Cloud’s book How To Get A Date Worth Keeping and she says she’s learned a lot about how to be open to men and dating-which I think is awesome. I also know God uses pain and longing to do important work in our hearts so that all is well and the Lord really is taking care of his people, even when they hurt.

    1. Once I got a little older I didn’t mind being single. When I met Alycia I wasn’t even thinking about dating or marriage. I even actively prayed against a relationship with Alycia because it could have been bad times.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s