#252 – Biblical Resolutions

Yesterday I wrote about some possible resolutions for nerds. Even though they kept a different calendar, it’s possible that the people in the Bible also made New Year’s resolutions. Here are some different possibilities.

Noah and Lot

Sadly, one of the top resolutions every year is to stop drinking or drink less. There are enough people who think they drink enough that they need to resolve to drink less. Noah and Lot are two Bible characters who really should have resolved to drink less. Noah’s drunkenness led him to sprawl out naked in a cave and Lot’s drunkenness led him to sleep with his daughters – both of them. Much like the New Year affords us the opportunity to start fresh, Noah and Lot both had that same opportunity. Noah maybe had the best fresh start ever; he was one of six people left on the planet. Lot had a fresh start because everything he knew was destroyed and he was starting a new life in a new place. In spite of the opportunities, though, both fell back into old habits when a resolution might have helped them forge a new path.

Eglon

Eglon was the Jabba the Hutt of the Bible. Eglon was the Moabite king found in Judges 3 whom Ehud assassinated. The Bible describes Eglon as a “very fat man”. In the words of Queen, he was very much a big, fat fatty. Ehud stabbed Eglon with a sword and, since Eglon was so fat, the sword sank into his body and got lost among his folds. Had Eglon resolved to exercise more and lose weight, perhaps he could have gotten out of the way of Ehud’s sword. And even if he couldn’t have saved his life, at least he could have died with a little more dignity and in a much less disgusting manner.

David

The most popular resolution every year is to spend more time with family. David definitely needed to make and keep this resolution. For all of the successes that David had, his family life definitely wasn’t one of them. He had a son who raped a daughter. He had a son who killed a son. He had a son who led a rebellion. Had David spent a little more time with his family, going on camping trips and miniature golfing, maybe things would have gone differently. Also, had David been spending more time with his family, he might not have had as much time to hang out on the roof creeping on women, seducing them and murdering their husbands.

Everyone wants a fresh start and the opportunity to be a little better this year than they were last year. Real change doesn’t come from resolutions, though; it comes from the Holy Spirit working within us to make us more and more like Christ.

But resolving to spend more time with family and less time staring at women in bath tubs isn’t that bad.

What other biblical resolutions can you think of?

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2 Responses to “#252 – Biblical Resolutions”

  1. “Eglon was the Jabba the Hutt of the Bible” – I love it! These are great.

    Others? Jephthah should have resolved to think before he spoke more often… Samson should have resolved to keep secrets better… Those kids in 2 Kings should have resolved not to tease bald prophets!

    Also would be interesting to look at resolutions actually made and kept: Zacchaeus comes to mind, resolving to pay back four times (wasn’t it?) whatever he had defrauded someone.

    Do you get to preach on a regular basis? I hope so; if your blog is any indication, you are a very engaging proclaimer of the Word!

    • Thanks. I am fortunate enough to preach regularly, both to our church’s high school group and in our main service.

      The actual resolutions are far more inspiring than potential fake ones. Even coming off Christmas, Joseph’s resolution to do the right thing and divorce Mary quietly always inspires me.

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