#208 – 3-D Bible Stories

George Lucas is rereleasing The Phantom Menace in 3-D next February. The Nerdwebs have been full of people throwing vitriol at Lucas for what they think is an obvious money grab. They’re also angry because Lucas is releasing Episode I, instead of any of the original trilogies first.

I’m not that upset and I’m actually looking forward to seeing The Phantom Menace in 3-D. The podracing scene alone will be worth the price of admission.

Lucas rereleasing his story in 3-D, though, got me thinking about which Bible stories I would like to see in 3-D.

Elijah at Mount Carmel

The story of Elijah on Mount Carmel is one of my favorites. I really like when Elijah begins mocking the prophets of Baal. Sometimes I feel like I can be too sarcastic, but really I’m just embodying one of Israel’s greatest prophets. The moment when fire falls from heaven and consumes Elijah’s sacrifice would be absolutely stunning in 3-D, way better than the hair sex from Avatar. When movies are shot in 3-D it creates spectacular moments of cinema and fire descending on Mount Carmel could be one of those moments. Another spectacular moment could be the blood bath that follows the showdown. The Levites prove they’re more like paladins than clerics by cutting down all the prophets of Baal.

The Legion-Possessed Man

The story of the demon-possessed man in the tombs might be the scariest story in the entire Bible. It starts out kind of comical with a dude running naked through a graveyard, but it takes an “Exorcist walking on the ceiling” type turn. The man is possessed by a legion of demons and Jesus casts them into a herd of pigs. The pigs rushing down the hill and into the Sea of Galilee would look awesome in 3-D. It would be like a really messed up version of Babe or Charlotte’s Web. The theatre could add a fourth dimension to the experience and cook up some fresh bacon during the scene. As much as I would like to see 3-D pigs rushing at me to their watery grave, it wouldn’t be worth it to sit through a 3-D naked man hurdling tomb stones.

God’s Throne Room

One passage that always seems to move me is John’s description of God’s throne room in Revelation 4.

At once I was in the Spirit, and there before me was a throne in heaven with someone sitting on it. And the one who sat there had the appearance of jasper and ruby. A rainbow that shone like an emerald encircled the throne. … From the throne came flashes of lightning, rumblings and peals of thunder. In front of the throne, seven lamps were blazing.

I love how God is so indescribably beautiful that John’s only option is to say that he has the appearance of fine jewels. In my mind I get a picture of the treasure room from Pirates of the Caribbean at Disneyland. Imagine seeing a rainbow that shone like emerald encircling the throne of God in 3-D. After seeing that and the flashes of lighting coming from the throne, why pay to see anything else in 3-D ever again? What could top it? Way more than Elijah or Legion, I really do wish I could experience God’s throne room in 3-D, to fall face down in front of supreme glory and majesty. I may never get to see it in a 3-D movie, but I hope to someday see it with my own eyes and without any glasses.

3-D can add much more to a movie. Unfortunately, in the case of The Phantom Menace, 3-D can’t subtract Jar Jar Binks or talk of Midi-chlorians. In spite of that inability, I’m still going to see Episode I in 3-D next February. It may not be as glorious as God’s 3-D throne room, but it definitely won’t be as naughty as 3-D David and Bathsheba.

What Bible story would you like to see in 3-D?

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6 Responses to “#208 – 3-D Bible Stories”

  1. Ehud the Left-Handed Man assassinating Eglon the King of Moab (Judges 3) would be pretty sweet in 3D. The King’s entrails would seem like they’re coming out of the screen! It probably wouldn’t be suitable for children.

  2. […] I wrote about earlier this week, I would love to see a herd of pigs rush to their death in 3-D but […]

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