#165 – 5 Nerdy Bible Stories

The Bible is the bestselling book of all time. That may be hard to believe because it doesn’t have any vampires or teenagers killing each other, but it’s true. And while parts of the Bible might be made a little more interesting with the addition of some nerdclinations, it definitely has its nerdy moments. Here are five nerdy Bible stories.

The Witch of Endor

One of the scariest and nerdiest stories of the Bible is found in 1 Samuel 28. In the story a witch from Endor summons Samuel in a séance to speak with Saul. Not only does the story involve contacting the dead but it also involves the home of the Ewoks. I had no idea that the forest moon of Endor was accessible from Israel. Instead of enlisting the help of the Ewoks, the Rebels should have asked Saul and the Israelites for help. If a bunch of teddy bears were able to take down the Empire, then fully trained and armed warriors shouldn’t have had any problems. And when one of the Israelites died I wouldn’t have been as sad as when that one Ewok died next to his friend.

Simon the Sorcerer

My favorite wizard is Gandalf because he’s as good with a sword as he is a wand and he’s a mean old man. A close second to Gandalf, though, is Simon the Sorcerer from Acts 8. Apparently Simon performed magic tricks in Samaria and wanted to buy the power of the Holy Spirit from the apostles; performing card tricks is not nearly as cool as the Holy Spirit. Even though Simon was misguided, it’s pretty awesome that there is a sorcerer in the Bible. I just wish there were more sorcerers in the Bible. It would be great if Siegfried and Roy showed up in the lions’ den or Carrot Top had his trunk when Saul was dressing David for the battle with Goliath.

The Sun Standing Still

Just because I like science fiction doesn’t mean I’m not interested in the actual science of space. The planets, stars and galaxies are incredibly fascinating. Understanding the massive size of the universe also helps us better understand how truly large God is. According to the book of Joshua, God is big enough to even stop the sun. Joshua’s army was kicking so much butt that he didn’t want to stop so he prayed that the sun would stand still. One of the most interesting things about this story is that it was used as evidence against Galileo’s claim that the earth revolved around the sun. Obviously those arguments were ridiculous and should make us think twice about the Christian hills we’re willing to die on.

Valley of Bones

In Ezekiel 37 the prophet records a vision of a valley in which dry bones come back to life. This story reminds me of all the old Ray Harryhausen movies like The 7th Voyage of Sinbad, Jason and the Argonauts and Clash of the Titans. Stop motion skeletons were the go to undead creatures long before zombies. Even in the Bible Ezekiel’s living skeletons appeared 600 years before Jesus made a zombie out of Lazarus. We should get back to more skeleton movies, mostly because they’re not nearly as scary as zombie movies.

Jacob and Esau

In one of my first posts I wrote about how Jacob is one of the top biblical nerds. So it makes sense that Jacob would be involved in one of the Bible’s nerdy stories. The relationship between Jacob and Esau is the prototypical nerd/jock relationship. Jacob enjoys staying at home and working around the tent while Esau is out in the wilderness hunting wild game. Jacob stealing Esau’s blessing could have been the basis for an 80s teen movie. Jacob steals his twin brother’s identity in order to get in with the popular crowd and ends up learning valuable lessons about himself and love when it all comes crashing down around him. Man, formulaic 80s movies were the best.

Somehow the Bible has maintained its popularity even though it doesn’t focus on zombies, vampires, sorcerers or romantic clichés. Ultimately, though, the Bible is the story about God’s love for us and I’d take that over any New York Times best seller any day.

What other nerdy stories in the Bible connect with you?

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